areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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