I have demons in me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
