During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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