i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
