The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
