You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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