Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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