How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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