if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
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so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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