whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
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He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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