Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
