Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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