I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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