Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
