Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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