My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
