Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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