he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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