were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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