I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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