giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
