Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
