We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
