At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
