the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
