well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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