So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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