Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
