i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
