I love black thongs
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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