Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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