I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
