I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
