GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
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right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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