the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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