did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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