oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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