Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
