I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
