I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
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There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
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he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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