I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
