you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
