2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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