he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
