she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
