You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
