This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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