Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
