There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
