His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
