in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
