walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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