please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize