Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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