Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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