I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think your dad took our porno
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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