why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
