he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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