So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
