you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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