someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
