WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
