You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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