Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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