also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
