Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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